Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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