Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
