Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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