i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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