he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
