Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize