I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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