Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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