My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
