I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
