It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just high enough for therapy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
