He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
