So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
