My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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