you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
