Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had to cum in my sink.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
