Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
