I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
whose parrot is this?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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