Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Actions speak louder than pants.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
