He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
