2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There r osticjed everywhere
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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