she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am available for nakedness
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
