i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
