I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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