I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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