Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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