i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
