I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
