We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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