I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
