Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
