this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
