No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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