Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
