soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
