We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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