omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
