He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
