Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
