I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
