"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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