So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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