We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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