This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
