Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
