The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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