Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
do nipples grow back?
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