shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
