im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize