So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
