He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
