whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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