Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
