i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
