Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He better not be in your backpack
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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