i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
