I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
