He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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