Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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