i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
