I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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