I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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