she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
