My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
