she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize