# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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