just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
