break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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