is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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