paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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