the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
