my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize