how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize