We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
