I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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