You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
