Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
